June 25th, 2015

Fly Me North For The Summer

I think summertime is beautiful from inside my air conditioned house or car and behind my tinted windows or sunglasses. That is the only time I enjoy summer. The bright sun gives me a headache and I sweat profusely if exposed to temperatures above 75-degrees for longer than 15 seconds. I avoid sun exposure to my skin as if it were delivering the plague. I wish I were exaggerating.

The South is my home. I was born in Louisiana, raised in Louisiana, went to college in Arkansas and now live and work in Arkansas. I am no stranger to hot and humid summers. But that doesn’t make me any more tolerant of the heat.

When I get hot and start sweating, my mood degrades rapidly. I don’t want anything or anyone near me. I fret about my appearance as sweat runs down my face, back, stomach and legs. My shoes get tight. I literally can think of nothing else but how hot and uncomfortable I am.

To be perfectly clear: I hate summertime.

I would be completely happy spending my entire summer inside my house, working from my computer and accepting deliveries for all necessities, a la Sandra Bullock in The Net.

Why do so many people not understand my misery in the heat? No one really likes to be hot, but it seems everyone I know LOVES the summer for outdoor activities, water activities and long sunshiny days. I want overcast skies and cool, breezy temperatures.

Don’t get me wrong; I am not all “emo:”

“Emo has been associated with a stereotype that includes being particularly emotional, sensitive, shy, introverted, or¬†angst-ridden.” – Wikipedia

I am a generally happy person. I enjoy spending time with my friends and family, and the summer typically provides more opportunity for these gatherings. As a result, I work hard to tolerate and be tolerable when the days are torturously hot. That means no makeup, lightweight and quick-drying clothes, and a lot of alcohol.

That's me on the golf course last summer, covered from head to toe in sun protective clothing. Note I am smiling. But for the record, I was not comfortable.
That’s me on the golf course last summer, covered from head to toe in sun protective clothing. Note I am smiling. But for the record, I was not comfortable.
I even went to Haiti in the summer of 2013. I have never been so hot in my entire life. Again, note that I am smiling despite the fact that my hair is dripping wet with sweat.
I even went to Haiti in the summer of 2013. I have never been so hot in my entire life. Again, note that I am smiling despite the fact that my hair is dripping wet with sweat.

So, there is proof that I am not a complete wretch when I am hot. But I can assure you, I am much happier in cooler temperatures. Forgive today’s rant, but 100-degrees outside today I can think of nothing but how miserably hot it is outside my air conditioned home right now.

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